Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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