My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
