I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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