you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
