did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize