The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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