I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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