that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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