oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
