I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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