His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
