Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
