Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
