Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
