he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
