well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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