Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
