Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
