While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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