He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
