I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
