No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
