please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
