yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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