The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
