Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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