I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
false alarm, still single
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize