my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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