I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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