I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
