do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
barbara walters just said penis...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I did not marry a roomba.
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