I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's official drugs can't kill me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
