she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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