You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i think my cat just said my name.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
