is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize