Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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