did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize