I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize