If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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