What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
