A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
