she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
