apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
