I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
someone owes me an orgasm
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize