Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
