Who did Billy Mays play for?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
