you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
