think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
