Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i believe in u and ur pee
Success! We fucked roommates!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
