I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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