I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
