Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
