If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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