i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
