the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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