My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
