Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
