you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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