how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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