I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
