I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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