We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize