Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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