that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
