omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
