i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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